These past few days, to be honest my life is at stake. I don't go to bed on time, I don't eat healthy and on time that's why my ulcer is getting worse, I still can't go back to school, I still don't have a job and I only spend my time in front of my laptop or just watch a movie the whole day, people keep talking like they know everything, they think that I am useless, because I am not doing anything to help my family (hah, do you think I am enjoying this?). I am tired of people telling me what I should do, when I am not yet ready! I am tired of doing nothing. My life is boring and I don't like it, but I don't know what to do. And
My motto is:
"I live for adventure, adrenaline & taking risks."
But I am not being productive, I miss being busy, I miss doing something I love and makes me happy, I miss staying up late at night doing something worth it. Before, I have my goals, I know what to do, I know what I want but right now I am lost and drowned with a lot of problems.
Before I always talk to God whenever I feel this way, and I can hear him talk to me too, but these past few days when I try to pray, I can't hear him anymore, maybe he's still talking to me but I can no longer hear him, or feel him.
One day, I talked to my friend (HI DONNA, I LOVE YOU!). She's the one who brought me to God before and I asked for her help again, she told me that I should pray and read the bible and I can see the answers from there, because she told me that God is the only one who knows the answer to my problem. So I followed her advice, but to be honest it's been a long time since the last time I read a bible. When I opened the bible and read it, I didn't understand anything. So I prayed again, and tears suddenly fell from my eyes then after that I tried to read the bible again and here's what really touched my heart and I said to myself, this is it. This message is for me!
So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
- Matthew 6:31-34
After reading the bible, my heart felt him. He was here with me all along, he never left me, he was just waiting for me to come back in his arms. Sometimes God gives us problems not because he hates us, it's actually a gift from him, for us to be strong in this chaotic world. I know my problems won't go away with just one prayer but I know with God, IMPOSSIBLE THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. ♥
I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God. who loved me and gave himself for me.
Here is an inspiring music video.
I hope this love and this kind of relationship with God will continue growing! God bless us all.